


Ferris Wheeler’s Day Off

by kekinkawaii



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Carnival, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:13:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27308266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kekinkawaii/pseuds/kekinkawaii
Summary: In which Dirk and Todd finally stop dancing around each other with the help of a carnival, a crow, three sparkly tarot cards, and a very tired Farah (among other things).
Relationships: Todd Brotzman/Dirk Gently
Comments: 19
Kudos: 33
Collections: DGHDA Halloween Mini Bang 2020





	Ferris Wheeler’s Day Off

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Halloween!!! For this minibang, I was paired up with the wonderful artist BZStuff. Thank you so much for your hard work, and to the organizers for running such a lovely event! The art is embedded below at the end of the story, so please make sure to check it out ^^
> 
> Enjoy <3

It would be remiss to say that Dirk Gently did not have the best track record when it came to... er... people. He referred to this trait as his personal, idiosyncratic, extraordinary uniqueness.

Todd called it "having less than an ounce of common sense".

Despite arguments regarding the labelling of whatever the hell it was, it served him shockingly well in more situations than most: where an extra exclamation could result in an additional clue, an irresistible urge to approach a stranger on the street leading to a daisy-chain of mysterious occurrences leading to a wild goose chase involving two trapdoors, a pair of scissors shaped like a bird, and a tiramisu, the turnout resulting in Dirk shuddering every time he passed a bakery, or the ladyfingers in the grocery store—but that's besides the point. 

The point was, when Dirk, Todd, and Farah approached the annual fall carnival, a huge field dapped with vendors and jack-o-lanterns, the scent of fried dough floating through the air, Dirk's feet carried him in an instant to the entrance of the black-and-purple tent, with fake spiderwebs hanging from the corners and candy-corn necklaces draped from the ceiling.

And when Dirk entered the tent and saw the old, wrinkled woman sitting in the creaky rocking chair, face covered by a thin swaying veil, he really should've known better than to take up her offer of a deck of glimmering tarot cards.

But they were so _sparkly!_

By the time Todd burst into the tent alone, Farah nowhere to be seen, Dirk had happily sat down on the chair opposing the woman and had obediently drawn three sparkly purple cards from the pile spread upon the desk.

"Dirk!" Todd said, sounding out of breath.

Dirk turned and beamed at Todd. "Hi!" he said. "Stacy is giving me a tarot card reading. Isn't that cool?"

"I—wh—" Todd sputtered for a moment before the familiar expression of mingled disbelief, exasperation, and acceptance flickered over his face. He rubbed his forehead with two fingers and sighed, waving his hand in a "carry on" type of gesture.

Stacy hummed as she reached for the card Dirk had chosen with one long-nailed finger and flipped it over.

"The Lovers," she said, and flipped over the second. "And the Two of Swords. Oh dear."

"Oh dear?" Dirk said. "Oh dear what? Oh dear how?"

Stacy peered at Dirk with dark eyes, narrowed in a way that made Dirk feel uncomfortably x-rayed. "It means you're in love—and in denial."

"Oh dear," Dirk said.

"You—wait, you what?" Dirk was suddenly wildly aware of Todd standing mere metres next to him, Stacy, and the tarot cards, and his internal _Oh dear_ intensified tenfold. "You're in _love?_ How? Who? Do I know them?"

"I think you do," Stacy said in a very very _very_ dangerous tone of voice, her eyes darting from Dirk to Todd.

"Aaaand I think that's enough of that," Dirk said, standing up a little too quickly and hoping Todd didn't notice. "Thank you very much for that, Stacy, much appreciated, it was truly phenomenal, illuminating, exhilarating to say the least and I bid you farewell at this hour and hope that you have a truly fantastical rest of your day."

"Wait, what?" Todd said, confused. "But—"

"No buts," Dirk said. "Come on, Todd!"

"Wait, one more thing—" Stacy started.

But they were already out the door.

Stacy watched them leave, then flipped over the third card that Dirk had picked out, and had forgotten about in his haste. It was the Two of Cups. She sighed. They'd figure it out somehow.

Dirk had expected that five-minute fiasco to become a one-time thing, some wacky event, the wackiness of which didn't even begin to compare to the everyday wackiness of their lives, and thus would be forgotten in the span of seconds, allowing life to pass on its merry way and frolicking out of their minds.

But Todd—wonderful, fabulous, astonishing, horrendously _stubborn_ Todd—would not let it go.

"Where were you guys?" Farah asked, catching up to them after Dirk had dragged them fifty metres and more away from the tent. She handed them each a corndog.

"Oh, nowhere," Dirk said.

"A tarot-card reading," Todd said. "Dirk's said that he was—"

"Nothing at all," Dirk said cheerily. "You know how tarot cards work, Todd, you simply cannot begin to think that they are truly accurate; simply a phenomenon in which _all_ and any card the player chooses will play some sort of significance in their lives no matter how small, simply due to the power of suggestion and the desire for belief. Just typical fortune-telling mumbo jumbo."

Todd stared at Dirk, hard. "Dirk, our _lives_ are fortune-telling mumbo jumbo. You literally get tips from the _universe itself."_

Dirk waved a hand. "Universe, Shmuniverse.” He perked up. “Farah, these corndogs are _good!_ Ooh, are those jack-o-lanterns?"

"Dirk—" Todd started, exasperated, but he was already gone.

Farah watched Dirk scurry off into the direction of the pumpkin patch, where there seemed to be some sort of pumpkin-carving competition going on.

"So," she said, ever so casual. "Wanna tell me what that was all about?"

Todd made a frustrated noise and ran a hand through his hair. "The lady said that he was, uh. In love. And... in _denial."_

"Oh dear," Farah said.

"I _know,_ right?" Todd said.

"You gonna tell him?" Farah asked.

Todd blinked at Farah like she'd suggested something entirely absurd. "Tell him what?" His entire face changed, eyebrows lifting. "Wait, _you_ know who it is? How the hell do I not know them?"

Farah looked at Todd for a long time, trying to figure out if he was joking.

"Jesus Christ," she said.

Todd's eyebrows came together in a big jumble. _“Who?"_

"I—nevermind," Farah sighed. She shifted her posture to make it clear that Todd shouldn’t push the topic and settled down to watch Dirk, who had somehow chatted up the man running the pumpkin-carving event so nicely that the man handed Dirk a scalpel and an unscathed pumpkin, and Dirk happily grabbed it and went to town.

"How the hell does he do that?" she muttered.

"It's because he's so goddamn interesting," Todd said. "He could chat up anybody. Dirk!" He hollered the last word and broke into a stride, making a beeline for him.

Farah sighed. "These two, I swear," she said, and made her way to follow.

Thirty minutes, a particularly-hungry-and-brazen raven, a precariously-close encounter with a pumpkin-covered scalpel, and a handful of pumpkin guts later, Dirk was washing his hands (and arms, and legs) in the lake while Todd chewed him out thoroughly in that usual ranting, hair-pulling, arm-throwing way of his. Farah was somewhere back at the pumpkin patch, trying to repair relationships with the manager so that they wouldn't be kicked out of the fair.

"You couldn't have just, I don't know, _shooed it away?"_ Todd said pointedly.

Dirk huffed and crossed his arms. "I had a handful of pumpkin guts right in my hands, and it served as absolutely stellar ammunition! I couldn't just let it go to waste like that!"

"So you decided to pelt it at the bird," Todd said flatly.

"Naturally," Dirk responded.

"Naturally," Todd repeated. "And, naturally, your next logical step would be to grab another handful of pumpkin guts and fling it at _me."_

Dirk looked down guiltily, but quickly glanced back up with a cheeky smile tugging at his lips. "Naturally, you retaliated."

Todd bit his lip. "Point taken." He had wiped most of the mess off his body with napkins. He resisted the urge to say _you started it_ like a stubborn preschooler.

"Come on, Todd," Dirk said, his voice gone quiet and low like he was telling a secret. "You had fun. Admit it."

Todd sighed. "God help me, I did."

Arms dripping with pondwater, pumpkin seeds still stuck in his hair, Dirk beamed.

Todd felt a twinge in his chest, something sweet and buttery. He looked away quickly. Toed the muddy gravel next to the shore. Took a deep breath. "Hey, about those tarot cards—"

"Oh, look, Farah's back!" Dirk said. "And the line for the haunted house is so short right now! Let's go together!"

Todd watched Dirk scamper over to Farah (who looked grim, exhausted, but triumphant) and sighed.

It was clear that, out of all the smaller stands at the fair, the haunted house was the main attraction. Spiderwebs hung from every corner (significantly more realistic than the ones at the tarot reading tent) and the manmade fog was so thick at the entrance that Todd couldn't see his own shoes.

"Three tickets each," the man at the door drawled, and after Farah had obliged, "Enjoy.”

The door swung shut behind them with a long, arduous creak and an echoing boom. Immediately, they were engulfed in darkness.

"Oh dear," Dirk muttered, very quietly, under his breath.

"Okay," Farah said. "I think we're supposed to just follow the path, so—"

The room was suddenly flooded in a scarlet light, a ghoul-looking creature jumping out at them from the wall.

Todd jolted. Farah flinched. Dirk screamed and latched onto Todd's arm like an enamoured clam.

"Ummm," Todd said.

"Oops," Dirk said. "Sorry. Had a bit of a reflex-reaction there. No biggie."

"Dirk," Todd said slowly. "Are you actually _scared?"_

Dirk snorted, loudly. "Of course not!"

Farah coughed to cover up a laugh. "Of course," she said. "Let's keep going, then."

Dirk peeled his fingers off Todd's arm as if they were superglued together.

The next jumpscare (a grim reaper, the scythe coming mere inches from the top of their heads—so _that's_ why there was a height limit) was just a few steps away.

Todd flinched. Farah winced. Dirk yelped and wrapped his arms around Todd like a tenacious squid.

"Hmm," Todd said.

"Whoopsie," Dirk said, and when the scythe swung over their heads again, this time accompanied with a loud crack and a roll of thunder, he buried his head in Todd's shoulder.

"Dirk," Todd said, sounding endlessly amused. "You've faced off armed FBI with nothing but a penknife. Last week, you literally took on a _Kraken._ And you're scared of a fake haunted house?"

"It was a baby Kraken," Dirk mumbled, nuzzling his face into Todd's jacket like an overly-friendly kitten.

"It was, like, fifty feet tall," Farah chimed in.

"Baby," Dirk insisted.

When the lights switched off again, the hiss of the fog machine filling the room along with the inky darkness, Todd reached an arm around Dirk and tapped his arm. "You good to keep going?"

Dirk grumbled something incomprehensible and then tightened his hold on Todd when a sharp scuttling noise passed above their heads. His ears were red.

The sign at the front of the haunted house advertised for "Fifteen minutes of scream-inducing fear!". It took them nearly half an hour to make it out the exit.

Farah took in a grateful breath of fresh autumn air. "That..."

"Was okay," Todd said.

"A bit cheesy," Farah agreed.

"We are never doing that ever again," Dirk declared, still a little breathless.

“Oh, bullshit,” Farah said. “You didn’t even see half of the jumpscares. You were too busy groping Todd.”

Dirk made a high, violated noise. “I was _not—”_

“You—I—” Todd sputtered, cherry red.

“Whatever,” Farah said defensively, holding up both palms in a placating manner. “Come on, we’ve got enough tickets left for one more ride.”

And before the two of them could chime in with another word of denial, Farah had spun around and was already gone.

Dirk glanced at Todd, then at Farah, then at the ground. “Um,” he started, endlessly hesitant. “Just so you know… I’m sorry if I—that is to say, I wasn’t—”

“Yeah,” Todd said in a single, heavy exhale, and then jogged after Farah.

The haunted house may have been the highlight, but the ferris wheel gave it a run for its money. Looming so tall it peeked over the sprawling trees surrounding the fair, it was emblazoned with flashing lights and fluttering flags.

The three of them made idle chatter all the way until they made it to the front of the line, where Farah, as usual, dug in her pockets for the tickets.

“Two per ride,” the girl at the entrance announced.

Farah counted out four and passed it to her. “I’m going to sit this one out,” she said. 

The girl shrugged, and waved her hands towards the lowest pod that had the door open. “Go right ahead.”

“Wait, what?” Todd said, but Farah was already gone.

“Farah?” Dirk called out.

“Go!” Farah yelled from where she was retreating.

“You heard her,” the girl said, starting to sound irritated now.

“I…” Todd said helplessly, his feet moving without his own command, making his way towards the pod. Dirk, equally as helplessly, followed.

The door slid shut behind them.

Todd gingerly sat down on the seat as if it were an electric chair. Dirk did the same. With a lurch, the wheel began to move.

Dirk folded his hands in his lap and fiddled with his thumbs. “So, Farah just…”

“Yeah,” Todd said. “Dunno why she did that.”

“Strange,” Dirk agreed.

“We kind of specialize in strange,” Todd quipped, coaxing a smile from Dirk.

After one cycle around the ferris wheel, Dirk chewed on the inside of his mouth before speaking. 

“Today was fun,” he offered.

Todd hummed in agreement.

“I still think you should’ve let me take that pumpkin home.”

“It was freaking demolished, man,” Todd said, laughing. “I think the crow had some kind of vendetta against it.”

“Still,” Dirk said. “It would’ve made a great pumpkin pie.”

“We can still make one when we get home,” Todd said. “And we can eat it during our horror movie marathon.”

“Our what now?” Dirk said, alarmed. When Todd just grinned, he made a strangled sound. “Todd, our _what?”_

“Don’t worry,” Todd said, half joking (half not). “I’ll be your personal security blanket again.”

“Really?” Dirk said, half joking (half not).

“Anytime,” Todd said.

Two cycles around the ferris wheel, Todd did a nervous little tap-dance pattern with his sneakers on the platform of the pod before speaking. “That fortune-teller was really something.”

Dirk’s eyes flitted to Todd’s from where he was glancing out the window at the red-orange-yellow treetops and the tiny, teeming crowds of people from beneath. “It was?” He voiced it like a question.

“What was it again?” Todd kept his voice light, deliberate. “Something about swords?”

“The—” Dirk swallowed, hard. “The L-Lovers. And the Two of Swords.”

“Right,” Todd said, nodding. “And those meant?”

“Well,” Dirk said. “They, hm. It’s all rather cryptic, really…”

“Uh-huh?” Todd prompted.

“And, well, there’s quite a bit to decipher…”

“Is there?” Todd prodded.

Dirk inhaled sharply and let his response tumble out in a single breath. “I rather do think it was simply a passing moment, nothing really crucial, nothing that should take up much of anyone’s thoughts at all.”

“Of course,” Todd said, and then he got up from his seat and walked the two steps to close the distance between them and bent over so that they were eye-to-eye. “And this is just a passing moment, right?”

Dirk stared at Todd, eyes huge. “I…”

“Is it?” Todd asked. “Is _this?”_

And he leaned in to press his mouth against Dirk’s.

Dirk gasped, then jolted, then grabbed the back of Todd’s neck with one hand and pulled him in closer until Todd fell onto the seat next to Dirk, turning their heads to maintain the proximity. 

Three cycles up the ferris wheel, both of them were too busy to pay attention to anything but each other.

By the time the pods came to a stop, swaying gently back and forth at the residual momentum, Dirk’s face was flushed pink, expression dazed.

Todd, feeling breathless himself, grinned. “Thank god,” he murmured.

“For what?” Dirk whispered, not knowing why he was whispering but feeling, inexplicably, like he should.

Todd nudged his nose against Dirk’s cheek before pressing a light kiss there to follow. “For a moment there, I thought the fortune-teller was talking about someone else.”

Dirk huffed. “That would be absolutely ridiculous.”

“I know,” Todd said, smiling.

Farah was waiting for them a few paces away from the ride. Her arms were crossed and she was leaning up against the wall to the pumpkin patch (now cleaned up and void of people).

When she saw their intertwined hands, she let out a triumphant noise. “About time,” she said.

Dirk squeezed Todd’s hand and felt a flutter in his stomach like autumn leaves twirling from a tree.

“Let’s get outta here,” Todd said, squeezing back. “We have a horror movie marathon to watch.”

“Todd!” Dirk cried out.

Farah laughed. Todd dragged Dirk by their held hands all the way to the car.

(Art by BZStuff)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked the story! Have an awesome Halloween :D


End file.
